SATIRE: Wrestling

             Ah wrestling season, the greatest thing next to Christmas. Kids chewing gum because they can't eat food, people wearing layers of sweaters, it truly is the most wonderful season of all. I absolutely adore listening to people complain about their sport, so as you can tell I especially love the wrestlers. As I look across the room right at this exact moment I am looking at someone chewing gum because he can't have any calories, right now his head is just down on the desk and I feel that it accurately sums up wrestling.

          Wrestling has begun about a week ago and I am already loving every minute of it. After all the initial complaining of not eating subsides, the real fun begins. On a side note, I find it amusing that in third world countries people don't have enough to eat and are starving, yet over in the states we have starving yourself as a sport. First world 1,third world 0. As I was saying, after the first round of complaints is over, the second phase begins.

          The second phase of wrestling is the gloating phase. A personal favorite of mine, because I love being talked down to and treated as if I am not good enough to be in the same room. This is when the wrestlers believe that they have the power of god instilled in them because they won their first match. They walk around like they are God's gift to this world, and clearly they are! I mean they won their first match, what is bigger?

          The third phase begins about midway through the season. Food complaints and the gloating still take place, but some people have lost at this point, knocking them off their rung a bit. Yet, there are still undefeated people and that's where this phase begins. This phase is when the wrestlers start coming up to you and asking if you know who a certain, insert any basic word, "unstoppable", "Beast", etc. The wrestlers believe that these people are the fearless leaders of the wrestling world and they should be known through out the nation. Most people have no idea who they are talking about, but they get an earful even if they do. The worship generally stops when they have to wrestle this person and get beat. Then it turns into, "he's alright, I could have beat him" because God forbid your ego lets go of you.

          Then at the end of the season, the final phase begins. The Tournament Phase, this consists of Regionals, Sectionals, and the glorious STATE. This is where all focus is turned towards making out of sectionals. No one ever thinks that they might not make it out of regionals, because once again, the wonderful wrestling ego can't believe that they can lose, even after having loses through the season. The wrestling ego is a powerful thing, that can never really be turned off.

           Those are really the only phases, and my heart breaks every time I don't get to hear the wonderful wrestling personalities complain and gloat in everyone's faces. Then again, there is always next year, and oh boy am I excited!