SATIRE: Fake Friends Are the Best

Fake Friends are the Best

The absolute best thing in the world is fake friends. I mean who wouldn't love having people say they are your friends and then never do anything alone with you. It's the greatest when they talk about how good of friends they are with someone else right in front of you. Who wouldn't love being around someone like that. Who wouldn't love being hurt day after day and having to hide it.
It's a wonderful feeling when you think someone is your friend and they say they are but they don't really act like it. They never hang out with just you it's always only with a group, but hey, the more the merrier right. Not to mention how it feels when you don't get asked to do anything unless you bring it up first. Having to put the idea into people's minds is just so much fun. Like apparently you are the only one with a caring, thoughtful brain. You didn't even really want to hang out anyway. You had better plans doing nothing than being with them.
Another fun thing is when they don't do anything with you but they make time for another person and then talk about that time in front of you. Hearing them talk about loving spending the other person every week just the two of them just brightens your day immensely and makes you feel so not like a last choice friend at all. You definitely don't care about any of that. It's even better when they talk about that and how close they are with the other person right to your face like you don't have any feelings, at all so they go right ahead hurt you a little more.